Grief and loss are as old as the human experience and an expected part of all of our lives. Grief helps us “measure what we’ve lost”, mark time and put love ones into an honored place in our psyches. Remembering when someone died, and their value to us, is part of all our individual and family legacies. We idealize, and occasionally degrade, those who have passed. Close ties stay with us forever.
Neuroscience shows us that grief is most connected to the “fear system”, explaining the angst of acute loss on separation from a beloved object. Real fear is in children whose parental loss signifies danger and vulnerability. So, how do we approach loss in the most productive way?
A large scale study showed people who engaged in psychotherapy, those who increase their spiritual life, and those who simply “waited it out”‘ had a similar amount of time (about one year), for uncomplicated grief to pass. It has a life of it’s own. Complicated grief, where you have conflicts with the departed, (100%?), did better in therapy. We all benefit from exploring and expanding our spirituality. Reaffirming  currant ties is also a help and can have lasting value. Denial; pretending it didn’t happen, had the worst outcomes.
As we age, our ability to deal with loss determines the quality if our lives. The longer you live, the more people you will lose! Honoring the loved ones lost while eventually releasing the grief is the task the frees you to engage the life in front of you. For each of you, enjoy this day, and all those to come!